Bozo Criminal of the Day!

[mustang6984]

I always thought auto theft was a felony...(was when I was a patrolman anyhow)...and yes...the lawmakers in WA are indeed a bunch of Bozos...trust me.

Why Did He Steal a School Bus? Because It Matched His Dress, Of Course

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chelewah, Washington, where our bozo, wearing a bright yellow dress, was reported to have stolen a school bus. Deputies spotted the bus when it ran a red light and gave chase. However, when he refused to stop, they had to give up the chase due to a new state law that only allows law enforcement to pursue a fleeing vehicle if there is probable cause that a felony occurred. (Obviously some bozos making laws in Washington, but that's another story for another time) County deputies tried to stop the bus but quickly had to give up the chase for the same reason. Later, deputies received a report of our bozo, still wearing the yellow dress, being taken into custody after using a front end loader to destroy his estranged wife's home. Busted! Finally! Charged with theft of a motor vehicle, possession of a stolen vehicle, first-degree malicious mischief/domestic violence and attempting to elude a police vehicle.

[mustang6984]

This nitwit reminds me of the clown back in the 80's who called the Olympia P.D to report a theft. When officers arrived he filed a complaint about his stolen pot plants. Bad enough, but officers also located the recently stolen field lights from the softball fields at Steven's Field that the clown was using for "grow lights". You just cannot make this stuff up...
And now to our Bozo of the day...

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But What About My Girlfriend?

Our bozo for today comes from the No Good Deed Goes Unpunished file. It seems our bozo, who lives in Hayes Township, Michigan, lost track of his girlfriend, so he called in a well-being check to the cops. When the officers arrived, the woman was nowhere to be found. They were questioning her father when who should show up but our bozo. Further interrogation revealed he had a felony warrant for his arrest. And to complicate things, he was in possession of methamphetamine. Busted! No word on whether his girlfriend ever turned up.

[mustang6984]

For our buddies up north...

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Take Him Home and Put Him In His Crate

    Post published:January 12, 2021

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mathias Joost for sending in this one from the International File in Canada's Quebec province, which has seen a recent surge in Covid-19 cases. This led the province to implement a curfew from 8pm-5am. On of the few acceptable reasons to be out after curfew is to walk your dog. And it wasn't long before a couple of bozos came up with a plan to get around the regulations. Police stopped a woman just after 9 on Saturday night walking her...husband. Yep, she had her husband on a leash and told the cops she was out walking her "dog." We're not sure just how much of a dog her husband is, but the cops weren't buying this. They've both been fined $1212.

[mustang6984]

Some People Can't Take No For An Answer

    March 31, 2022

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fellsmere, Florida, where cops were called to a report of a disturbance at a residence. Upon arrival, they found a 44 year-old female covered in blood, with abrasions on her forehead, neck and arm. She was transported to a hospital for treatment while the cops sussed out what happened. Apparently our bozo, 27 year-old Amber Baxter, had propositioned the victim's 59 year-old boyfriend for sex. When he declined, our bozo hurled a large glass ashtray at him. He ducked and, you guessed it, his girlfriend was collateral damage. Our lovesick bozo was arrested and charged with battery. Turns out she's been a busy girl. She's been arrested five times this year, on charges including theft, battery, trespass, aggravated assault, disorderly intoxication, burglary, criminal mischief, and drinking in public.

[mustang6984]

But the Biggie Bag Is Only Back For a Limited Time!


Bozo criminal for today comes from Bunnell, Florida, where bozo Jesse Stanger walked into his local Wendy's and ordered lunch. He asked for the half off discount that is customarily given to law enforcement officers, claiming to be a member of the DEA. When an employee questioned his identity, he said he had been getting the discount there "for two years" and flashed a badge. This caught the attention of a manager who came over to take a look. Our bozo then became hostile and argumentative, prompting an employee to call 911. This should have been our bozo's cue to leave, but no...He stuck around long enough to show the cops his "Concealed Weapon Permit" badge. Sorry, that doesn't get you the discount, pal. He's busted on felony charges of impersonating an officer.

[mustang6984]

But That Station Across the Bridge Had Gas That Was 10 Cents a Gallon Cheaper

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randall Shimoda for sending in today's Bozo, who violated Bozo Rule Number 4433876: Always begin with a full tank. Cops in Shelby County, Tennessee were called to a report of an SUV stalled out in the middle of a bridge. Upon arrival, they found the Chevy Suburban, out of gas, and blocking the bridge. As they approached, they noticed a very strong smell of raw marijuana. Inside they found 229 pounds of pot and a duffel bag full of money. Busted! The driver has been charged with possession of a controlled substance.

[mustang6984]

YOU. CAN. NOT. MAKE. THIS. STUFF. UP!!!
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And After This, He Was Going To Hijack a Cheese Truck


Bozo criminal for today comes from Modesto, California, in the California wine country. Webcam footage from a Cherokee Freight Lines tanker truck shows our bozo pull in front of the big rig, with his hazard flashers on, directing the driver to pull over. The trucker stops, thinking he has a mechanical problem. And that's when things got weird. Really weird. Bozo Gabriel Montez, clad only in his underwear, jumps out of his car and runs to the back of the truck, disappearing from the driver's view. The trucker decides the best thing to do is get out of there so he pulls back onto the freeway. With the truck now back up to speed, our bozo reappears, climbing on the side of the truck. Hanging on for dear life, our bozo positions himself near the bottom of the tanker and opens up a valve. Suddenly, the trucks cargo of red wine begins flowing out and our bozo sticks his face into the stream and gulps down as much as possible. The driver called the cops and our now drunken bozo was placed under arrest but not before the truck lost about 1000 gallons of red wine, most of it ending up on the highway. Cheers!

[mustang6984]

Well, I Knew This Was One Smelly Pond

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Sacramento County, California. It seems our bozo was cruising around on Memorial Day when he lost control of his vehicle and crashed into a pond. Dispatch received a call from him around 1:30 am and when the cops arrived they found our bozo and his vehicle "well submerged" in the pond. He explained to the officers that he had spent about an hour trying to get his car unstuck before calling the cops. And just why does this merit inclusion in the Bozo Report? The "pond" he was submerged in was a liquid manure storage pond at a dairy farm. Ugh. He's been charged with DUI. That car will need a LOT of those little Christmas trees to get that stink out.

[CobraJoe]

Better yet, check out this woman driving up the ramp truck in Georgia:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZgfN67gj7c&t=3s

[mustang6984]

We used to refer to people who did those sort of stupid things as being guilty of being "Stupid in Public Without a Permit!" 

[mustang6984]

That Must Have Been Some Cat

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Melbourne, Australia, where bozo Tony White wanted his cat back. Really, really wanted his cat back. After discovering the cat was at a local shelter, our bozo donned full combat gear, armed himself with a fake assault weapon and stormed into the facility. He then tied up the person at the front desk and questioned her about the whereabouts of the cat. Not sure why, but he left the facility without retrieving the cat only to return the next day. This time they were ready. The cops were called and our bozo, who reportedly suffers from PTSD, was charged with false imprisonment, aggravated burglary, criminal damage, perjury, common law assault and carrying an imitation weapon. No word on the status of the kitty.