Bozo Criminal of the Day!

[mustang6984]

The Sandwich, Like His Excuse, Was Full of Bologna

Bozo criminal for today comes from Crawford County, Michigan where an officer on patrol noticed a pickup stopped in the middle of an intersection. As he approached, the vehicle drove away only to quickly fail to stop at at stop sign. He pulled our bozo over and could immediately notice the smell of alcohol coming from inside the truck. A check found he was wanted on multiple warrants and, after failing a field sobriety test, he was placed under arrest. And his excuse for stopping in the middle of the intersection in the first place? He was making a sandwich for his dog, Lucky. Lucky's been placed in the care of a family member. No word on whether he got his sandwich.

[mustang6984]

A Man Can Get Bored In Alaska This Time Of the Year

With the Covid-19 outbreak holding bozo activity down a bit, Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow comes to the rescue with the story of a bozo that had apparently had enough of social distancing. Our bozo took a two by four and broke a window at the King Salmon, Alaska fire department. Now King Salmon is a small town and there was no one at the station at the time, so our bozo rummaged around until he found the keys to the fire truck. He didn't even bother to open the station's closed bay doors before he drove through. He then switched on the truck's emergency lights and headed west toward Naknek, about 15 miles away. And what was his destination? The Fisherman's Bar. He was arrested shortly after arrival. He's under arrest on charges of burglary, vehicle theft, criminal mischief and violating conditions of release on a previous arrest.

[mustang6984]

Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli...Wait, Those AREN'T Cannolis!

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Winnipeg, Canada where security camera footage captured one of the stranger attempted burglaries we've seen. Our two bozos pulled up to a doggie daycare business in a van. One grabs a large plastic garbage can, apparently intending to load it into the van, because we all know any trash at a doggie daycare must be really valuable, right? Then, something frightens bozo number one and he drops the can and jumps back into the van. Meanwhile, bozo number two, who has been out of camera range, is seen approaching the van, carrying a broken sign. Right, a broken sign. Bozo number one doesn't see him and takes him out with the open passenger side door. Bozo one leaves his accomplice behind, who is then seen later fleeing the scene on foot. And that trash can they were going to steal...it was full of poop.

[mustang6984]

Methinks most of us here need to NOT go to Jakarta Indonesia...or we may be in deep doo-doo!
*********************************************************** 

Motive? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Motive!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Jakarta, Indonesia. Police have arrested two former Starbucks employees after they were caught staring at a woman's cleavage on a security camera. This would not merit entry in the bozo report except for the final line in the police report. "The police are now interrogating the men to find out their motives." Well that shouldn't take long. 

[mustang6984]

Bozo Rule Number 3323827: Use Spell Check

Thanks to numerous Bozo News Hawks who alerted us to today's story from Long Island, New York. It seems bozo Robert Baxter was scheduled to face charges on theft of a Lexus and grand larceny of a truck. Things didn't look good for him so he hatched a bozo scheme to get himself off the hook. He fled the state, had someone tell his lawyer he had died and had his fiance present a death certificate. Sounds like a solid plan, right? Well, not exactly. Whoever produced the phony death certificate supposedly issued by the New Jersey Department of Health, Vital Statistics and Registry misspelled "Registry" as "Regsitry." Oops. Busted! He faces four years in prison if convicted.

[mustang6984]

Order In the Court!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Universal City, Texas. Bozo Anthony Garcia was released after being arrested on minor charges. Instead of being glad he wasn't spending the night in jail, he told one of the officers, "This isn't over." He wasn't kidding. He apparently returned to city hall, hid in the restroom and after the place shut down for the weekend, he crawled through the ceiling and made his way into the courtroom. The next step, break into the system's computer, which wasn't hard since the password was written on a piece of paper underneath the keyboard. We're not exactly sure if he accomplished anything once he got into the system but we do know security cameras caught him walking out of the building on Sunday morning. Oops. Armed with a good photo, the cops headed to his house where he attempted to run from them before being arrested. He was right about things not being over. He's gone from "minor charges" to felony counts of burglary of a building with intent to commit theft, and computer break of a security system.

[mustang6984]

All Lubed Up

Bozo criminals for today come from Bexar County, Texas where sheriff's deputies were called to a report of an attempted robbery. Our bozo ditched his getaway vehicle and attempted to carjack another one, but the driver put up a fight and our bozo had to move to Plan B. He ran into the Evergreen Lube Shop and stole a car that was in the middle of an oil change. The tech had just begun to drain the oil when he saw the car pulling away from the oil pit. Needless to say it's not hard to track a car leaving a trail of oil. And a car without any oil isn't going far. He's under arrest, charged with attempt to commit aggravated assault, attempt to commit aggravated robbery, attempting to take a weapon from an officer and evading arrest in a vehicle.

(Not to mention ruining an engine when it quit running due to be out of oil!!! Wouldn't that be destruction of private property?)

[mustang6984]

Well, Business Has Been Slow During the Pandemic

Bozo criminal for today comes from Memphis, Tennessee, where the cops were having problems with a man abusing the 911 service. They say Bozo Han Nguyen had called 911 241 times on September 1 and 32 times on September 2. And just what prompted all those calls? Officers say he asked the 911 operator if he wanted to buy some egg rolls. Guess the answer was no. He's under arrest.

[mustang6984]

At Least Check the Name On the Mailbox First

Bozo criminals for today from Covina, California, came up with a simple plan to make some quick cash. They would go door to door claiming to be members of the local high school football team and asking for donations. Good idea until they rang the doorbell of the high school football coach. He asked them to name the football coach and of course they couldn't. Busted!

[mustang6984]

Rookie, Taste That Creamy White Substance and Tell Me What It Is!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mathias Joost for sending in today's report from Topeka, Kansas. At around 3:30 A.M., cops were called to a report of a disturbance at a convenience store. Upon arrival, they found a naked teen, covered from head to toe in a creamy white substance. He had damaged some items inside the store before heading outside and jumping into a running vehicle, which he promptly crashed into a pillar. Further investigation determined he was covered in ranch dressing and under the influence of an unknown substance. He was taken into custody before being rinsed off and released to his parents.

[mustang6984]

His Next Stop Was To Pick Up a Coffee Table

Bozo criminal for today from Happy Valley, Oregon, violated Bozo Rule Number 22-223321: It's best to keep your getaway vehicle as inconspicuous as possible. Cops received a call of an armed robbery at the local Ace Hardware store. The suspect had pulled a gun on a store employee and then had fled in a Mazda. Oh, and one more thing, that Mazda had a sofa strapped to the roof. And did we mention it was also raining at the time? Since there aren't many couch carrying Mazdas on the road during a thunderstorm, the cops caught up with our bozo rather quickly. After a brief chase, he was apprehended and placed under arrest. And that couch? It escaped without a scratch.

[mustang6984]

I would like to say this is not normal...but...stuff like this sort of idiocy is common...especially up on the mountain.

*******************************************************

This Is One Energizer Bunny That Didn't Keep Going

Bozo criminal for today comes from North Bend, Washington, where the cops noticed a car on I-90 with what was described as "extremely dim headlights". Our bozo was pulled over and the officer noticed the car had significant front end damage. Enough damage that the standard equipment headlights were missing and had been replaced by a couple of flashlights that our bozo had duct taped to the frame. Bad idea. This is not legal. Also not legal is driving with a suspended license. He's busted!

[mustang6984]

Up In Smoke

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where our 21-year-old bozo took an Uber ride but forgot to grab his backpack when he got out. No problem. Just email Uber and arrange to pick it up, right? One small problem. The Uber driver took a look inside the bag and discovered why our bozo wanted it back so badly. It contained two pounds of high quality marijuana, which has a street value in the thousands. He called the cops and told them what was going on. A officer called our bozo and set up a meeting at a nearby McDonalds to return the bag, even sending a picture of the bag for confirmation. First thing our bozo said to the undercover officer, "How much of this did you guys smoke?" He's busted!

[mustang6984]

That's What the Incognito Mode Is For!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Josh Widdowson for sending in this violation of Bozo Rule Number 8948492: Always clear your search history. It seems bozo David Carroll of West Newton, Pennsylvania, had what he thought was a foolproof scam. He called the cops and reported his vehicle as stolen. Five days later, the cops found his SUV in a wooded area, torched and nearly unrecognizable, but they were able to trace the still intact VIN number back to our bozo. End of story, right? Nope. As part of the investigation, a search warrant was issued for his phone. And right at the top of his Google search history..."How to set your car on fire and make it look like an accident." Oops. Busted! Charged with arson with intent to collect auto insurance, insurance fraud, filing a false report and risking a catastrophe.

[Ford Blue blood]

and here all these years I thought those fires were cause by the payment book spontaneously combusting....