Because one can never have enough to laugh at...I thought I would resurrect a bit of humor I used to do back in my old radio days. Share the stupidity of people who wander amongst us...and make us ask where their brains are!
So...welcome to the Bozo Criminal of the Day. I'll try to get a new one in each day for all to laugh with or at...or maybe both. I have decades of these to draw on...so doubt I'll run out any time in the next 30-40 years! Here is the first one:
Now That's What I Call a Bust
Bozo criminal for today comes from Grand Ridge, Florida, where a deputy stopped to help our bozo whose car had broken down on the side of the road. The observant officer noticed a strong smell of marijuana emanating from our bozo and a quick search turned up a marijuana cigarette...in her bra. This discovery led to a search of the car which turned up half a pound of crystal methamphetamine, additional quantities of marijuana packaged for sale, scales, and US currency. BUSTed! Charged with trafficking in a controlled substance and possession of marijuana with intent to distribute.
Okay...I am wondering...would this be a certain member of a certain website dedicated to a specific Ford that rigged this little "clean-up"? AHEM! :003:
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The Crooks Were Cleaning Up, So He Did the Same Thing
Bozo criminal for today comes from Porterville, California, where there have been a number of residential thefts. After security lights failed to deter the thieves, who were "stealing tools out of vehicles and anything else they could get their hands on", one resident took matters into his own hands. He went on Amazon and ordered the most powerful sprinkler head he could find. He then rigged it up to a motion detector device that would trigger a strong jet of water whenever anyone came nearby. Worked like a charm. Security camera footage shows our bozo pedaling away on his bicycle after being hit by the stream of water.
Flaming Hot Bozo
Our bozo for today comes from Kalamazoo, Michigan, where cops received a call regarding a disturbance at a residence. When they arrived, our bozo had already left, but he was familiar to police from previous warrants against him. Cops were on the lookout and when he was spotted a short time later, a chase ensued through residential streets. When he pulled onto I-94, spikes were set up to stop him. Didn't work. He ran over the strips, getting flat tires in the process, but he kept going. What he didn't account for was that the friction of the flat tire caused the one on the right front wheel to burst into flames. So, now, what's a bozo to do? Pull into the nearest Nissan dealer for service. Yep, that's what he did. He was placed under arrest. No word on the fate of the tire.
They're Lucky They Weren't Charged With Littering, Also
Bozo criminals for today from Clearwater, Florida, had their big heist of the local CVS planned out to the last detail...well, except for one thing. Here's how it played out. Surveillance camera footage shows one of our bozos casing out the drugstore the day before the robbery. Check. On the big day, our three bozos burst in at 5 am when the store wasn't busy. Check. They wore blue surgical gloves so as not to leave prints. Check. They waved guns at employees and then bound them with zip ties. Check. They then whipped out white garbage bags and filled them with a massive amount of drugs. More than 10,000 hydrocodone and oxycodone pills, valued at more than $320,000. Check and done! Well, not quite. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, as they sped away, they were taking the pills out of their bottles and tossing the bottles out the car window. Police officers literally followed the trail of empty bottles like bread crumbs and it lead straight to a residence, where they found our bozos, and the thousands of pills, inside. Busted!
OK. Now I'm In the Ceiling. What Next?
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Montgomery, Ohio, where bozo Jessica Cain was being held on charges of assaulting and robbing an 85 year-old man she met at a casino. Security footage shows our bozo moving some chairs around in the jail facility and climbing up into the ceiling as other inmates cheered her on. Her freedom only lasted about 15 seconds before the ceiling gave way and our bozo unceremoniously crash landed in a trash can. She's now looking at new charges of escape and destruction of property.
You just cannot make up some of these things people do...no sane person could ever dream these things up!
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And the Funny Thing Is, He Actually Did More Work Than the Real Employees
Our bozo for today from Butler County, Pennsylvania, was faced with a problem. Her boyfriend was in jail and needed extra money, so what to do? Simple, hire him to go to work for Long John Silver's. Turns out she was an area manager for the restaurant chain and could hire and fire employees. Figuring no one would ever notice, she simply added him to the payroll and had sent him more than $50,000 in wages before someone tipped off the cops. She's under arrest.
First Red Flag: She Had To Pick HIM Up At His Parents House
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from North Attleboro, Massachusetts. Bozo Christopher Carson met a woman on a dating app and, for their first date, asked her to come pick him up at his parents house. Seemed a little strange but she complied. He then drank wine in the passenger's seat while she drove around. When they approached a bank, he asked her to pull in and he went inside. Before entering, he donned a hat and sunglasses and then robbed the teller, getting away with $1000. He jumped back in the car and told her to step on it. Panicking, she did as she was told. They didn't get far before the cops were on their tail. She immediately pulled over and surrendered. Our bozo was arrested. She was not charged. Worst first date ever!
The Family That Drinks Together, Stays Together
Bozo criminals for today come from Naples Florida. It seems our husband and wife team had enjoyed a few drinks too many at The Dock at Crayton Cove bar. When the woman put her feet up on the bar, revealing that she was wearing no underwear, the bartender had seen enough. He told them to leave or he was going to call the cops. That's when Miss No Panties replied, "I don't have to go anywhere because my dad is the chief of police." We're not sure if that is true or not, but when the cops arrived, she remained argumentative. That's when her husband asked the officer, "will you just walk my wife up to our room and sing her a silly song and lullaby?" The cop denied that request and as he was hauling her out, her husband said, "if she is going, I want to go too," That's a request the cop was glad to honor. They both slept it off in jail.
The Key To Cracking the Case
Bozo criminal for today comes from Warwick, Rhode Island, where the cops were called to a Hobby Lobby store on a report of lost keys...but found something else. Here's how the story played out. Bozo Karen Schaffer called Hobby Lobby to say she thought she'd left her keys there and could they please check and see if anyone had found them. The manager reviewed security footage and discovered the woman who had left her keys was someone he had suspected of shoplifting earlier, and he was able to confirm the theft while looking at the tape. Oops. The cops were called and our bozo gave up 19 pieces of jewelry that she had hidden in her sweatshirt, coat and bag. She was charged with theft and also on violation of her bail.
I sure hope she wasn't driving a '57 Ford!!!
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But You Don't Understand...My Boss Gets Really Mad When I'm Late
Bozo criminal for today comes from Cleveland, Ohio, where the cops tried to pull bozo Imani Foster over on charges of illegal window tint and a fake vehicle registration. Instead of stopping, our bozo sped up and led the officers on a chase down I-77, crashing into several police cruisers. At one point, the cops surrounded the car, demanding that she exit the vehicle. Instead, she floored it, running into other cars in the process and barely missing an officer. She was finally apprehended when she hit a curb and then crashed into a light pole. Shaken up, but not harmed, she then offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. She was speeding and refused to stop because she was "on my way to work." She's going to be late today. She's been charged with felonious assault and failure to comply.
Why do I see these strange looking letters and what I'll call a Trade Mark Sign in your posts? Am I the only one seeing these?
On your most recent post.........But you don't understand My boss gets really mad when I'm late ............ looks like this when I look at it
But You Don't Understand...My Boss Gets Really Mad When I'm Late
John
I see the same thing......
not me
I also get it. When rovohn and Jeff. Norwell posts I also see it. The C with slashes through it is the Euro currency symbol isn't it?
I have no idea. I don't see anything but the text. Now I am confused...and don't know what to do or what to fix.
These strange "letters" appear in all nine of your posts. If you would like to see what I'm seeing, send me a P.M. with your mailing address and I'll print the nine posts and mail them to you.
John
Quote from: mustang6984 on 2020-04-26 11:48
I have no idea. I don't see anything but the text. Now I am confused...and don't know what to do or what to fix.
I have been getting euro symbols where the apostrophe's should be... from a few of the forem members. But, Mustang6984, all of your other post, and the intro parts of the Bozo post that you actually must be typing into the posts are fine... it's only the actual Bozo content that you must be pasting into your posts that get the euro symbols. Maybe that content is from a different or older computer system with different settings or something... but I don't know, just a guess... or maybe a setting on computers of us who are seeing the symbols.
Manny
They are a copy and paste. Not sure why they look like that. Look normal on my computer. I am scratching my head...
In reference to earlier discussions...trying a little trick...
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The Only Thing Left Now Is To Blame the Theft On Her Evil Twin
Bozo criminal for today comes from Clinton, Iowa, where bozo Rachel Thompson was speeding when a cop spotted her and tried to pull her over. Instead of stopping, she fled, ran through a red light and led the cop on a chase. It was then that the sheriff's office received a call from our bozo reporting that her car had been stolen. The caller identified the stolen car as the exact same one the officer was chasing. Let's review. Bozo is speeding. Bozo flees from cop. Bozo calls sheriff from her cell phone to report her car stolen. Now all bozo has to do is elude the cop and she'll be off the hook, right? Wrong. The officer radioed ahead and Stop Sticks where placed in the roadway. Busted! Our bozo was charged with eluding, driving with a suspended license, reckless driving, and speeding.
Quote from: mustang6984 on 2020-04-26 22:07
They are a copy and paste. Not sure why they look like that. Look normal on my computer.
Peeps here had the same issue with some of my posts. They did look normal on my computer. I was typing things on my 'puter & copy/pasting them in my posts. This site don't like copy/paste apostrophes. Before I paste text in here now I first replace any apostrophes with a comma so I know where to replace the comma with this site's apostrophe.
I wonder if this pasted in quotation mark looks like something else to others? "
I think you have discovered the problem. But first, the answer to your question is yes, the Quotation Marks appear as some strange combination of letters and symbols.
After reading your post, I went back to look at the latest post from mustang6984, and as you have described, the odd lettering etc., appears where an apostrophe would appear. After quick review of the preceding posts, the issue is present where ever there should be an apostrophe.
John
Quote from: KYBlueOval on 2020-04-27 09:22
I think you have discovered the problem. But first, the answer to your question is yes, the Quotation Marks appear as some strange combination of letters and symbols.
After reading your post, I went back to look at the latest post from mustang6984, and as you have described, the odd lettering etc., appears where an apostrophe would appear. After quick review of the preceding posts, the issue is present where ever there should be an apostrophe. John
So...here is what I found. I cannot see the formatting when I drop it in here. BUT...if I drop it into a word page...then I can click and observe the formatting...convert it to text only, and then copy the text only version and it seems to work. Hopefully others who said they also were having issues can see the improved version...and we will all be thrilled once again! :003:
Quote from: KYBlueOval on 2020-04-27 09:22
I think you have discovered the problem. But first, the answer to your question is yes, the Quotation Marks appear as some strange combination of letters and symbols.
Thanks for the answer, I kind of suspected that quote marks would also look weird.
I didn't know there was a problem until some people here mentioned it.
I am running the Firefox browser & it gives me an option to open a web site in a "Private window". When I do that I guess I'm invisible to the site & not logged in & also lets me see what looks different & odd to others but looks normal to me when logged in.
Below is a pic of what the quotation marks look like when pasted in from an email text. I wonder what it looks like when I paste in these weird symbols “ ?
EDIT: Yup, looks completely different. :005:
Quote from: mustang6984 on 2020-04-27 10:05.... drop it into a word page...then I can click and observe the formatting...convert it to text only, and then copy the text only version and it seems to work. ....
??? Seems like a long way to go to eliminate two or three commas in some pasted text!
Takes me about a minute. And makes things easy for everyone else. so not a problem. I also use Firefox...so probably anyone not using it will have issues. Bottom line...it's fixed so all can enjoy. :002:
Goes to show that being intelligent...does NOT mean you are necessarily smart...
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And Yes, Technically He IS a Rocket Scientist
After being on Covid-19 hiatus we return with a story that doesn't involve criminal activity, but seems appropriate for the times. Our bozo for today, one Daniel Reardon, is an astrophysicist in Australia. Like many of us, he became bored in isolation so he decided to try to invent something that might prove helpful during the epidemic. He came up with the idea of a device that would keep you from unnecessarily touching your face by setting off an alarm when your hands neared your face. Seems like a good plan. First, he came up with a magnetic bracelet that would trigger an alarm when it encountered another magnetic field. Now, where do you place the other magnets? How about up your nose? Sure. Give it a try. He placed two magnets inside his nostrils and two others on the outside. So far, so good. Things went downhill when he removed the magnets from the outside of his nostril. Click! The two inside his nostrils stuck together. Stuck so tightly that he couldn't remove them. When he tried to place another magnet on the outside of his nostril to try to pull the other magnet back, he lost his grip and the magnet clipped onto the other one inside his nose. He now found himself with two magnets stuck in one nostril and on in the other. Next step, a trip to the hospital where doctors were able to remove the magnets without further problems. Mr. Rocket Scientist says he's through with magnets for a while.
Hugh..........FYI,the "problem" has reappeared in your latest post.
It's interesting that I don't have any issues with your posts. They appear normal to me.
Tom S, your quotation marks all look normal to me also.
GGGGGGGGGGrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
So..which browser do you use? Explorer or Firefox?
I see those things too, I also see them on my TV on the local news crawls on the bottom of the screen...????
So, you gave me an idea. I pulled it up on Explorer and I see the weird stuff. I always use Google, and I never see it there.
Yea...I resisted the switch to Firefox for years...then my son showed it to me...and how much faster and smoother it loaded among other things...and that was it.
Only thing I use the Explorer for now is KNKX.org or JAZZ24.org.
Tried something else in the copying process...
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Be Careful What You Ask For
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Palm Coast, Florida. The cops were conducting an investigation into illegal drug trafficking in the area when they arrived at our bozo's residence. Before they knocked on the front door, they noticed the welcome mat wasn't so welcoming. It said, "Come Back With A Warrant." Always being good at following directions, that's just what the cops did. When they returned, they found fentanyl and other drug paraphernalia inside. Busted!
Quote from: fdlrc on 2020-04-28 08:45
It's interesting that I don't have any issues with your posts. They appear normal to me.
Likewise. And I'm running Firefox.
So...just for the heck of it...I opened an Explorer browser...and I saw the mess that others have been talking about. UGH!
And here is today's Bozo...posted on the site in an Explorer browser...let's see what it looks like
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Be Careful What You Ask For
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Palm Coast, Florida. The cops were conducting an investigation into illegal drug trafficking in the area when they arrived at our bozo's residence. Before they knocked on the front door, they noticed the welcome mat wasn't so welcoming. It said, "Come Back With A Warrant." Always being good at following directions, that's just what the cops did. When they returned, they found fentanyl and other drug paraphernalia inside. Busted!
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Let me know what everyone sees now who has been seeing it with problems. I don't see the problems now after posting it in Explorer.
Quote from: mustang6984 on 2020-04-29 01:46
And here is today's Bozo...posted on the site in an Explorer browser...let's see what it looks like
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Be Careful What You Ask For
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Palm Coast, Florida. The cops were conducting an investigation into illegal drug trafficking in the area when they arrived at our bozo's residence. Before they knocked on the front door, they noticed the welcome mat wasn't so welcoming. It said, "Come Back With A Warrant." Always being good at following directions, that's just what the cops did. When they returned, they found fentanyl and other drug paraphernalia inside. Busted!
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Let me know what everyone sees now who has been seeing it with problems. I don't see the problems now after posting it in Explorer.
Still there Hugh.
I am seeing it on Safari...
Sorry guys...I have used every trick I could come up with. The only time I saw what you are all describing was when I opened up in Explorer...I will continue to think about this. I also have a buddy who is a program coder...maybe I can get him to look at the postings in both his and my lap tops...and he can come up with something. give me a couple of days to use a hamm...er...ah...bit of thought...yea,...thought...on it... :angry4:
I had someone much smarter than I look at our problem. He gave me an idea...so here is another one for today...
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You Mean It's Not Essential?
The Bozo Criminal Report has been compiling some of the Bozo Excuses for violating stay at home orders during the covid-19 outbreak. Today's report came from one of the first countries to go on lockdown during the crisis, Italy. Police there stopped our bozo for violating curfew and that's when he offered up the Bozo Coronavirus Excuse of the week. He told the cops that he had run out of wine at home and was trying to find someplace, anyplace, that was selling wine. When told that only stores deemed essential could be open, he stated that he thought wine WAS essential. We would agree.
Um...How's Your Pee?
Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Clairsville, Ohio, where bozo Kiana Matthews needed to pass a court ordered drug test really, really bad. So, she did what any bozo would do, she borrowed someone else's urine. Problem solved, right? Wrong. Guess she should have asked her friend what she had been doing the last couple of days. The "borrowed" urine tested positive for drugs. So, you can add tampering with evidence to her violation of probation charges. She'll be doing 18 months.
I still see it Hugh.
Well dang! Are you using Internet Explorer?
Firefox
Weird...that is what I put them up in too. I am at a loss to figure it out.
Yet Another Danger Of Working From Home
Once again we present someone that is not a criminal but is truly 100 percent Bozo. As is the case in America, many news anchors around the world are doing their newscasts from home rather than the TV studio. And this was the case in Spain with bozo news anchor Alfonso Merlos who was doing a segment when a semi-nude woman was clearly seen in the background of the shot. Oops. And our bozo was known to have a celebrity girlfriend and this definitely wasn't her. Double oops. He has since apologized. Gives an entirely new meaning to the term "raw footage."
I can tell you from personal experience that the standards for broadcast in Europe are completely different then ours. The big oops in that was not the nudity but the individual that was there nude (no his girl friend)!
Guess He Had Someplace He Really Needed To Be
Bozo criminal for today from Gainesville, Florida, violated seldom seen Bozo Rule Number 111-997-6: It's not a good idea to honk your horn at police officers while they are conducting an investigation. The cops were working a crash in midtown when our bozo pulled up and started honking his horn. And not just a couple of beeps, either, he was really laying into it. So, the police approached his vehicle and immediately noticed the smell of marijuana wafting out of the window. Inside they found a handgun, a loaded magazine and ten thousand dollars in cash. Looking further, they found several other weapons, five mason jars full of marijuana, a hundred grams of cocaine and a baseball bat. Yikes! He's busted!
This One Will Be Top Story at Six
Bozo criminal for today comes from Atlanta, Georgia, where our bozo was involved in a traffic accident. Must have been a slow news day in Atlanta, as the local TV station sent a crew over to cover the wreck. While the photographer was setting up his camera, our bozo decided it might be a good time to get outta there. She jumped in the news van, which was still running, and drove away. Unfortunately for her, the TV reporter was still inside and she let the cops know what was going on and they joined in the chase. Our bozo went two for two this day as she hadn't gone very far in the stolen van before she crashed it also. Fortunately, no one was injured. She's been charged with kidnapping with other charges to follow.
When ya' gotta have a drink...ya' just GOT to have a drink!
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And After This, He Was Going To Hijack a Cheese Truck
Bozo criminal for today comes from Modesto, California, in the California wine country. Webcam footage from a Cherokee Freight Lines tanker truck shows our bozo pull in front of the big rig, with his hazard flashers on, directing the driver to pull over. The trucker stops, thinking he has a mechanical problem. And that's when things got weird. Really weird. Bozo Gabriel Montez, clad only in his underwear, jumps out of his car and runs to the back of the truck, disappearing from the driver's view. The trucker decides the best thing to do is get out of there so he pulls back onto the freeway. With the truck now back up to speed, our bozo reappears, climbing on the side of the truck. Hanging on for dear life, our bozo positions himself near the bottom of the tanker and opens up a valve. Suddenly, the trucks cargo of red wine begins flowing out and our bozo sticks his face into the stream and gulps down as much as possible. The driver called the cops and our now drunken bozo was placed under arrest but not before the truck lost about 1000 gallons of red wine, most of it ending up on the highway. Cheers!
Urine Trouble
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Aurora, Colorado. Apparently bozo Angelique Ramirez was up for a job interview, and part of the qualifications for the job required a passing a urine test. And one of the qualifications of a urine test is that it be at body temperature, to insure that it is "real" sample. Knowing she couldn't pass the test with her own urine, our bozo acquired some "clean" urine. Now, how to get it to body temperature. Well, there was a 7-Eleven right next door. How about using their microwave to warm it up just a bit. Bad idea. Apparently she hit the "cook" rather than the "warm" button, as the 7-Eleven employee reported hearing a loud bang and then saw a yellow liquid leaking from the microwave. Yuk. Yep, our bozo had tried to warm the urine in the microwave and the bag it was in had burst. The cops were called and our bozo just didn't see what the problem was, as she had offered to clean up the mess. She's been ticketed with damaging the 7-Eleven microwave.
I still see them on Chrome Hugh. I have had that happen here when I copy and paste something that has quotation marks, I have had to go back and edit my post after I posted it and it seems to work for me.
Just a thought....
Is that the only place you see the distortion? Where there are question marks? If so then that will be an easy fix...just eliminate the marks. I don't see them. UGH!
See the pic below. I would try eliminating the apostrophes and then save your post. Then go back in and edit (add them) and see what happens.
Just my $0.02
(https://i.imgur.com/rCkhKAX.png)
YIKES! That is ugly! Okay...I will give that a shot. Or maybe I'll get my buddy involved and see if he can come up with an idea about what to do? Code writers live in a different universe than the rest of us! LOL!!! Thanks for the pic.
No problem.
I'd go back and edit one word and save it and see what happens.
Good idea...give me a couple of seconds... :006:
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Okay...did the first word that is compromised..."today's"...did that change anything? I hope...!
It worked
(https://i.imgur.com/8CewNsE.png)
Bingo! Now I know what to do when I post tonight! Thanks for the idea. :toothy12:
My pleasure, glad it worked for you. :crowd:
Quote from: Tom S on 2020-04-27 03:15
..... I was typing things on my 'puter & copy/pasting them in my posts. This site don't like copy/paste apostrophes. Before I paste text in here now I first replace any apostrophes with a comma so I know where to replace the comma with this site's apostrophe. ....
^^ 2 weeks ago. :005:
That Was a Real Hot Shot
Our bozo for today may not have done anything criminal but his bozo status is unquestioned. His kids were coming over to visit and he didn't want them to have access to his revolver, so he did what any bozo would do...he put it in the oven for safekeeping. Good idea? Not. He failed to tell his girlfriend and when she started preheating the oven for dinner the gun quickly overheated and...Bang! One gunshot quickly followed by several others. Fortunately no one was injured but the oven was declared a total loss. The cops were called and our bozo was advised to buy a gun safe.
(https://i.imgur.com/CinFdk8.png)
Looks like it also does not like the ... that was in the original. Phooey!
Well, Baked Beans Are a Very Popular English Dish
Longtime bozo fans may remember a similar story from the US a couple of years back, but apparently our bozo friends didn't learn from the previous bozo's mistake. From Harworth in England's East Midlands comes today's story. Officers went to a residence with a warrant and two bozos quickly fled into the nearby woods. As they were conducting a search, one of the officers heard a familiar sound. Someone letting one rip in a nearby bush. Yep, he just couldn't hold that fart in one second longer. The cop, with a nose for such things, tracked him down and quickly placed him under arrest. His less gassy accomplice was found later hiding behind a fireplace.
But Look How Many Likes I Got!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report which once again proves that bozos and social media don't mix. From Moses Lake, Washington, comes the story of bozo Kayla Gomez who was a passenger in a car that was pulled over by the cops. The driver was arrested for driving with a suspended license, but the cops had no reason to hold our bozo so she was released. Later, while searching the car, the cops found a purse containing our bozo's ID, heroin, a pistol, and paperwork for the last time she was released from jail. But, still, there was no way to absolutely prove that the purse belonged to her, so case closed, right? Wrong. Our bozo went straight to her Facebook account and proceed to brag about how she had escaped arrest. The cops saw the post and set up a meeting on social media. And of course she showed up. She's busted!
Just Be Really Careful Climbing Up Onto That Seat
We here at the Bozo Report are fully aware that these have been very stressful times. And all this stress has led some folks who might not ordinarily do such things to come over to the Bozo side. Such is the case today from the International File in Frome, Somerset, England. Our bozo, who is only identified as "Dave" had a rather momentous birthday approaching. And, during the Covid-19 lockdown, how do you celebrate? Well, if you're "Dave" you strip off all your clothes and go for a naked bicycle ride through the neighborhood. Taking all things into consideration, the cops decided to let him off with a warning. Happy Birthday, Dave!
Well at least he had his birthday suit on......
Dressed for action!!!
No, Wait, That's Not Me...It Only LOOKS Like Me!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Royal Palm Beach, Florida where bozo John Cox was involved in a traffic accident. He told the cops it was not his fault, that he had been cut off by another driver and he could prove it with footage from his dashboard camera. He then agreed to sign a consent form allowing the police to take a look at what was on his camera. Guess he had forgotten all about when he recorded himself burglarizing a jewelry store, taking the bat from his trunk and smashing the store's window. Oops. He's been charged with burglary. No word on whether he got off on the traffic incident charge.
You just cannot make this stuff up!!!
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Next Time Maybe Just Call Him On the Phone
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today's report from Niagara County, New York where bozo Sharon Wilson wanted to go visit her boyfriend in jail but had no car. No problem. Call Uber right? Wrong. Ask a friend for a ride? Nope. Steal a car and drive yourself? Sure. Things were going smoothly as she drove to the jail and parked without incident. It was when she decided to leave that her true bozo tendencies came out. She started driving recklessly around the jail parking lot which got the attention of the sheriffs. She fled the lot with the cops in hot pursuit, leading them on a high speed chase before finally being stopped in the city of Lockport when she hit a police car head-on. She is charged with possession of stolen property, reckless endangerment, fleeing a police officer, trespass, reckless driving and imprudent speed. The good news is she won't have to drive far to visit her boyfriend next time.
Drop the Eggs and Step Away From the Building
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Idaho Falls, Idaho where cops were called to a report of a disturbance outside a local coffee shop. When they arrived they found bozo Jacob Carter standing outside, smashing eggs on his head and smearing the mess on the windows of the coffee shop. Witnesses reported that prior to the egg incident, our bozo was seen playing hopscotch in the middle of an intersection, blocking all four lanes of traffic. He was arrested without incident, hosed down and taken to jail.
From the Forrest Gump files...(stupid is as...well....you know...)
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On Second Thought, Maybe He Should Have Just Tied Him Up
Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas where our unidentified bozo broke into a residence, attacked the homeowner and forced him into a closet while he ransacked the house. Sounds like a reasonable idea except for one small item. This particular closet happened to be the one where the homeowner kept his gun. He emerged, confronted our bozo and shot him in the shoulder and leg. Our bozo was arrested and sent to the hospital.
Put Down That, Uh, Sausage, And Step Away From the Counter
Bozo criminal for today comes from Powell, Tennessee where bozo Jalen Cook wanted a bottle of water. So he headed down to the convenience store to pick one up. Nothing unusual about that right? Did we mention he walked into the store totally naked? And that he walked out without paying? But he wasn't done. For reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he returned to the store and began knocking items off the shelf. He then grabbed sausages off the grill and began throwing them at the cashier. The cops were called and our bozo was stunned and placed under arrest. He's charged with assault with a meaty weapon.
Well, I Mean What DO You Do With a Fake Arm?
Bozo criminals for today come from Grass Valley, California, where the cops pulled over a car for driving erratically. Inside, the officer saw three bozos and in the back seat one rather unusual item. A prosthetic arm. Well, that's not something you see every day and the officer thought he remembered such an arm as being reported stolen recently. After the arm was identified as the stolen one, our bozos were booked on charges of suspected burglary.
Love Is In the Air
If anyone has any doubt that things have gotten weird during the pandemic, please consider today's report from Forest Park, Illinois. A business owner called the cops when she received a suspicious package which she could not identify. Fearing that the package might contain a bomb, officers opened the package in a safe area. Well it did contain an explosive device of sorts, but not the kind to do any damage. Inside was a tubular shaped object with a spring inside. Upon removal of the top, it revealed itself to be a glitter bomb, ejecting multi colored pieces of glitter. And not just regular glitter either. These pieces of glitter were in the shape of little tiny penises. Anyone with any information as to who sent the love bomb is asked to call the cops.
Ma'am, I'm Going To Have To Ask You To Show Me Your Monkey
Bozo criminal for today comes from Bay City, Michigan where courthouse employees regularly scan every purse and package brought into the building. But, it's safe to say they'd never seen anything like this. Our bozo put her purse on the conveyor belt and noises started coming from inside. The security guard was shocked by what he saw on his screen. The image of a tiny squirrel monkey. The guard then politely asked the woman to show him her monkey' which she did. After determining the chimp was not a threat' he told her she would have to take the monkey outside' as the only chimps allowed in court are the lawyers. No charges were filed and she was instructed to find a monkey sitter.
He Then Replied, "Well, That Will Teach Me To Wear Pants"
Bozo criminal for today comes from Kitty Hawk, North Carolina where the cops noticed our bozo acting strangely in a public park. A quick check of his person found methamphetamine, marijuana and some unidentified pills in the pocket of his jeans. Before they could arrest him, he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. While he did not deny he was in possession of the drugs, he did deny ownership of the pants. Yep, he said, "Those are not my pants." The officers offered their sympathy, but advised our bozo that you should always check the pockets before putting on someone else's jeans. He's busted!
DO NOT buy any cars from Sacramento without a Car Fax report...
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Well, I Knew This Was One Smelly Pond
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Sacramento County, California. It seems our bozo was cruising around on Memorial Day when he lost control of his vehicle and crashed into a pond. Dispatch received a call from him around 1:30 a.m. and when the cops arrived they found our bozo and his vehicle "well submerged" in the pond. He explained to the officers that he had spent about an hour trying to get his car unstuck before calling the cops. And just why does this merit inclusion in the Bozo Report? The "pond" he was submerged in was a liquid manure storage pond at a dairy farm. Ugh. He's been charged with DUI. That car will need a LOT of those little Christmas trees to get that stink out.
Not Just Any Microwave Will Make Hot Pockets Like This
Bozo criminal for today comes from San Diego, California where the cops were dispatched to a Wells Fargo Bank branch at 3:30 AM on a report of a break-in. They found a broken window near the drive-thru. Taking a quick look around inside, it appeared everything was normal. Until they walked into the break room. There they found our bozo enjoying a tasty meal of Hot Pockets. He offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week, telling the officers he only broke in to use the bank's microwave. When asked if the Hot Pockets were worth it, he replied, "Hell Yeah!" He's under arrest.
Life In the Fast Lane
From Fort Pierce, Florida comes our Bozo Excuse of the Week. Cops gave chase to a vehicle they saw run a red light. After a short pursuit the pickup truck pulled over and that's when our bozo offered up this classic excuse. He said he ran the light and fled from the cops because "his pants were down." Further investigation found that there was another passenger in the car, who was apparently performing a sex act on him at the time of the alleged offense. Crack cocaine and a crack pipe was also found in the truck. His companion was charged with drug possession and prostitution after she admitted the drugs were hers. Our bozo was sited for running a red light.
Not a good idea to make an A-- of yourself in court...
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This Whole Thing Could Have Been Prevented By a Pair of Suspenders
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Chattanooga, Tennessee. Bozo Michael Lester had been sentenced to three days in jail for contempt of court, but the judge decided to show mercy and release him after only one night. It was when he appeared before the judge that his problems began. Apparently his pants were rather droopy and when the judge repeatedly asked him to pull them up, he did just the opposite. He dropped his drawers, turned around and mooned the judge. Bad idea. Back to jail for 10 days this time.
This Is a Case For Jerry Springer
Bozo criminal for today comes from Jamesport, Missouri where the cops were called to a report of a kidnapping. But this was no ordinary case. The victim escaped her captor and told the cops a strange tale. She said her brother had texted her, asking her to meet up. And that's when he took her against her will, driving her to Illinois. And the reason for this brotherly kidnapping? He didn't like her fiance and was taking matters into his own hands to prevent the wedding. Didn't work. The wedding is planned for Saturday and our bozo is charged with first degree kidnapping.
Game Over
Bozo criminal for today comes from Grants Pass, Oregon where bozo Anthony Denton stole a Toyota SUV right in front of sheriff's deputies who were waiting to have the vehicle towed after an unrelated DUI arrest. He then led cops on a high speed 40-mile chase through several towns. During the chase, he managed to crash through a fence, run over spike stops twice and drive down several roads the wrong way. He then rammed a police cruiser, jumped out of the car, ran into a nearby mobile home and tried to steal another vehicle before finally being taken into custody. His Bozo Excuse of the Week? He was high on LSD and thought he was playing Grand Theft Auto. OK. He's been charged with recklessly endangering another person, reckless driving, first-degree criminal mischief, attempting to elude an officer in a vehicle, second-degree criminal trespass and unlawful entry into a vehicle.
Hello. How Do I Look? You Look Arrested
Bozo criminal for today from Okaloosa County, Florida was foiled by modern technology. Bozo Chandler Baker stole a cellphone when the owner let him borrow it to use during a party. The owner contacted the cops, who used their cellphone to place a Facetime call to the thief. Of course he answered it. The cop then took a screenshot of our bozo's smiling face. He was positively ID'ed by the owner and our bozo was arrested and charged with grand theft.
Really??? For a PEPSI???
Bozo criminals for today come from Richland County, South Carolina. A man and woman burst into the local Pizza Hut, brandishing a weapon...they demanded cash right? Nope. Our bozos demanded a Pepsi. They confronted the clerk and said their delivery driver did not include their promised Pepsi in their order, so they were here to get it. The man held the gun on the manager while the woman grabbed a two liter bottle of Pepsi from behind the counter. They then left to enjoy their refreshing beverage. Cops have good security camera footage and hope to be able to make an arrest soon.
Now...I am certain that this doesn't bring up any memories for ANYONE here...right? Huh? Yea, I thought so!
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Well What Good Is Having a Fast Car If You Can't Open It Up?
Bozo criminal for today comes from Elkhart County, Indiana where bozo Michael Dever was cruising down the highway in his souped up Mustang. Cruising at 120 in a 70 MPH zone. Indiana State Police officers gave chase and pursued him for 25 miles before troopers threw stop sticks in his path. And just why didn't he stop? His bozo excuse was that he thought the cops wanted to race. Uh-huh. He's charged with resisting police, reckless driving and several moving violations.
They Definitely Went Hog Wild
Bozo criminals for today from the International File in Montepulciano, Italy violated basic Bozo Rule Number 001110323: Think first, then hide your stash. It seems the cops were aware our bozo gang had been peddling cocaine in the clubs in the area and had even wiretapped their phones to keep track of what was going on. Our bozos got wind that something was up and decided to hide their stash. Now what to do with it? How about head into the countryside and bury in in a remote location. Good idea. Who could possibly find it? Guess they forgot about the pack of feral hogs that was roaming around the area. Cops listening in to the wiretap heard our bozos complaining the the hogs had dug up the coke stash and scattered it everywhere. Oops. Our bozos are busted. No word on the hogs.
Say Cheezy!
Bozo criminal for today comes from the perv department in Madison, Wisconsin. It seems our unidentified 32-year-old bozo liked to take "upskirt" pictures of unsuspecting women. He has just invested in a new piece of hardware, a camera attached to his shoe. Must have been one of those cheap imports, though as the battery exploded before the camera ever started rolling. After being treated for burns on his foot caused by the battery, our bozo felt guilty and tried to turn himself in to the cops. However, the police ruled no crime had been committed as no pictures were taken. He was given counseling and probably told that's what the internet is for.
There's Never a Trash Can Around When You Need It
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Nashville, Tennessee where the cops spotted bozo Antonio Franklin rolling a marijuana joint while walking on a downtown street. When he saw the cops approaching, he stuffed the joint into his pocket. Then for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind he pulled a plastic baggie containing a white substance out of the same pocket and when the officer was standing next to him, poured the powder over the officer's head and tossed the remainder into the air. His excuse? He was "getting rid of the evidence." Didn't work. He's been charged with possession of a schedule IV drug, unlawful use of drug paraphernalia and tampering with evidence.
The Sandwich, Like His Excuse, Was Full of Bologna
Bozo criminal for today comes from Crawford County, Michigan where an officer on patrol noticed a pickup stopped in the middle of an intersection. As he approached, the vehicle drove away only to quickly fail to stop at at stop sign. He pulled our bozo over and could immediately notice the smell of alcohol coming from inside the truck. A check found he was wanted on multiple warrants and, after failing a field sobriety test, he was placed under arrest. And his excuse for stopping in the middle of the intersection in the first place? He was making a sandwich for his dog, Lucky. Lucky's been placed in the care of a family member. No word on whether he got his sandwich.
A Man Can Get Bored In Alaska This Time Of the Year
With the Covid-19 outbreak holding bozo activity down a bit, Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow comes to the rescue with the story of a bozo that had apparently had enough of social distancing. Our bozo took a two by four and broke a window at the King Salmon, Alaska fire department. Now King Salmon is a small town and there was no one at the station at the time, so our bozo rummaged around until he found the keys to the fire truck. He didn't even bother to open the station's closed bay doors before he drove through. He then switched on the truck's emergency lights and headed west toward Naknek, about 15 miles away. And what was his destination? The Fisherman's Bar. He was arrested shortly after arrival. He's under arrest on charges of burglary, vehicle theft, criminal mischief and violating conditions of release on a previous arrest.
Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli...Wait, Those AREN'T Cannolis!
Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Winnipeg, Canada where security camera footage captured one of the stranger attempted burglaries we've seen. Our two bozos pulled up to a doggie daycare business in a van. One grabs a large plastic garbage can, apparently intending to load it into the van, because we all know any trash at a doggie daycare must be really valuable, right? Then, something frightens bozo number one and he drops the can and jumps back into the van. Meanwhile, bozo number two, who has been out of camera range, is seen approaching the van, carrying a broken sign. Right, a broken sign. Bozo number one doesn't see him and takes him out with the open passenger side door. Bozo one leaves his accomplice behind, who is then seen later fleeing the scene on foot. And that trash can they were going to steal...it was full of poop.
Methinks most of us here need to NOT go to Jakarta Indonesia...or we may be in deep doo-doo!
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Motive? We Don't Need No Stinkin' Motive!
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Jakarta, Indonesia. Police have arrested two former Starbucks employees after they were caught staring at a woman's cleavage on a security camera. This would not merit entry in the bozo report except for the final line in the police report. "The police are now interrogating the men to find out their motives." Well that shouldn't take long. :glasses9:
Bozo Rule Number 3323827: Use Spell Check
Thanks to numerous Bozo News Hawks who alerted us to today's story from Long Island, New York. It seems bozo Robert Baxter was scheduled to face charges on theft of a Lexus and grand larceny of a truck. Things didn't look good for him so he hatched a bozo scheme to get himself off the hook. He fled the state, had someone tell his lawyer he had died and had his fiance present a death certificate. Sounds like a solid plan, right? Well, not exactly. Whoever produced the phony death certificate supposedly issued by the New Jersey Department of Health, Vital Statistics and Registry misspelled "Registry" as "Regsitry." Oops. Busted! He faces four years in prison if convicted.
Order In the Court!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Universal City, Texas. Bozo Anthony Garcia was released after being arrested on minor charges. Instead of being glad he wasn't spending the night in jail, he told one of the officers, "This isn't over." He wasn't kidding. He apparently returned to city hall, hid in the restroom and after the place shut down for the weekend, he crawled through the ceiling and made his way into the courtroom. The next step, break into the system's computer, which wasn't hard since the password was written on a piece of paper underneath the keyboard. We're not exactly sure if he accomplished anything once he got into the system but we do know security cameras caught him walking out of the building on Sunday morning. Oops. Armed with a good photo, the cops headed to his house where he attempted to run from them before being arrested. He was right about things not being over. He's gone from "minor charges" to felony counts of burglary of a building with intent to commit theft, and computer break of a security system.
All Lubed Up
Bozo criminals for today come from Bexar County, Texas where sheriff's deputies were called to a report of an attempted robbery. Our bozo ditched his getaway vehicle and attempted to carjack another one, but the driver put up a fight and our bozo had to move to Plan B. He ran into the Evergreen Lube Shop and stole a car that was in the middle of an oil change. The tech had just begun to drain the oil when he saw the car pulling away from the oil pit. Needless to say it's not hard to track a car leaving a trail of oil. And a car without any oil isn't going far. He's under arrest, charged with attempt to commit aggravated assault, attempt to commit aggravated robbery, attempting to take a weapon from an officer and evading arrest in a vehicle.
(Not to mention ruining an engine when it quit running due to be out of oil!!! Wouldn't that be destruction of private property?)
Well, Business Has Been Slow During the Pandemic
Bozo criminal for today comes from Memphis, Tennessee, where the cops were having problems with a man abusing the 911 service. They say Bozo Han Nguyen had called 911 241 times on September 1 and 32 times on September 2. And just what prompted all those calls? Officers say he asked the 911 operator if he wanted to buy some egg rolls. Guess the answer was no. He's under arrest.
At Least Check the Name On the Mailbox First
Bozo criminals for today from Covina, California, came up with a simple plan to make some quick cash. They would go door to door claiming to be members of the local high school football team and asking for donations. Good idea until they rang the doorbell of the high school football coach. He asked them to name the football coach and of course they couldn't. Busted!
Rookie, Taste That Creamy White Substance and Tell Me What It Is!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mathias Joost for sending in today's report from Topeka, Kansas. At around 3:30 A.M., cops were called to a report of a disturbance at a convenience store. Upon arrival, they found a naked teen, covered from head to toe in a creamy white substance. He had damaged some items inside the store before heading outside and jumping into a running vehicle, which he promptly crashed into a pillar. Further investigation determined he was covered in ranch dressing and under the influence of an unknown substance. He was taken into custody before being rinsed off and released to his parents.
His Next Stop Was To Pick Up a Coffee Table
Bozo criminal for today from Happy Valley, Oregon, violated Bozo Rule Number 22-223321: It's best to keep your getaway vehicle as inconspicuous as possible. Cops received a call of an armed robbery at the local Ace Hardware store. The suspect had pulled a gun on a store employee and then had fled in a Mazda. Oh, and one more thing, that Mazda had a sofa strapped to the roof. And did we mention it was also raining at the time? Since there aren't many couch carrying Mazdas on the road during a thunderstorm, the cops caught up with our bozo rather quickly. After a brief chase, he was apprehended and placed under arrest. And that couch? It escaped without a scratch.
I would like to say this is not normal...but...stuff like this sort of idiocy is common...especially up on the mountain.
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This Is One Energizer Bunny That Didn't Keep Going
Bozo criminal for today comes from North Bend, Washington, where the cops noticed a car on I-90 with what was described as "extremely dim headlights". Our bozo was pulled over and the officer noticed the car had significant front end damage. Enough damage that the standard equipment headlights were missing and had been replaced by a couple of flashlights that our bozo had duct taped to the frame. Bad idea. This is not legal. Also not legal is driving with a suspended license. He's busted!
Up In Smoke
Bozo criminal for today comes from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where our 21-year-old bozo took an Uber ride but forgot to grab his backpack when he got out. No problem. Just email Uber and arrange to pick it up, right? One small problem. The Uber driver took a look inside the bag and discovered why our bozo wanted it back so badly. It contained two pounds of high quality marijuana, which has a street value in the thousands. He called the cops and told them what was going on. A officer called our bozo and set up a meeting at a nearby McDonalds to return the bag, even sending a picture of the bag for confirmation. First thing our bozo said to the undercover officer, "How much of this did you guys smoke?" He's busted!
That's What the Incognito Mode Is For!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Josh Widdowson for sending in this violation of Bozo Rule Number 8948492: Always clear your search history. It seems bozo David Carroll of West Newton, Pennsylvania, had what he thought was a foolproof scam. He called the cops and reported his vehicle as stolen. Five days later, the cops found his SUV in a wooded area, torched and nearly unrecognizable, but they were able to trace the still intact VIN number back to our bozo. End of story, right? Nope. As part of the investigation, a search warrant was issued for his phone. And right at the top of his Google search history..."How to set your car on fire and make it look like an accident." Oops. Busted! Charged with arson with intent to collect auto insurance, insurance fraud, filing a false report and risking a catastrophe.
and here all these years I thought those fires were cause by the payment book spontaneously combusting....
:laughing4:
Well What Good Is Having a Fast Car If You Can't Open It Up?
Bozo criminal for today comes from Elkhart County, Indiana, where bozo Michael Dever was cruising down the highway in his souped up Mustang. Cruising at 120 in a 70 MPH zone. Indiana State Police officers gave chase and pursued him for 25 miles before troopers threw stop sticks in his path. And just why didn't he stop? His bozo excuse was that he thought the cops wanted to race. Uh-huh. He's charged with resisting police, reckless driving and several moving violations.
If brains were dynamite...she couldn't blow her nose...
Our Question...Is the Kitty Gonna Be Alright?
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mike Sheffield for sending in today's report from Kenosha, Wisconsin. It seems our 19-year-old bozo was visiting the home of a friend. Two things to know about her friend's residence. 1. He had a gun. 2. He had a cat. Our bozo picked up the handgun, turned on the laser sight and began using the laser to tease the cat, getting him to chase it. Not the safest thing to do, and, as you might expect, the gun went off, striking the man in the thigh. 911 and the cops were called. The man, who we believe was not seriously injured, was charged with violating bond conditions that prohibited him from having a weapon. Our bozo was charged with negligent use of a weapon.
Thought I would resurrect this one...if there is any interest...and here is...well...our Bozo.
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Hey, That Name Sounds Awfully Familiar
After thorough investigaton, Turkish police found no actual criminal activity involved here, but the bozo level is high enough to merit mention. From Cayakka, Turkey, comes the story of a man who was reported missing by his friends. Our bozo, who was in town for a construction project, went out for a night of drinking with his co-workers. The next morning his friends thought he had drunkenly wandered off into the woods and a search party was quickly organized. Meanwhile, our bozo, who had gone to a friends villa to sleep it off, awoke and noticed all the activity outside. The searchers told him they were looking for a missing man, and our bozo, being a good citizen, joined in the search. It was not until he heard other searchers calling his name that he realized "Oh, that's me." Police interviewed him and released him with no charges being filed.
Joe...you should appreciate this one...LOL!!!
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Those Zoom Meetings Just Never Go Well
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today's report from Tampa, Florida, where Covid 19 restrictions have led to some bozo defendants appearing before the judge via Zoom meetings. That was the case when bozo BJ Downs was called before the judge on charges of fraud and petty theft. Our bozo seemed very polite in his testimony but prosecutors recorded something that sealed his fate. Video shows our bozo shooting up while waiting to speak to the judge. Yikes! Looks like he'll be facing further charges.
:dink:
Well, Everybody's Gotta Start Somewhere
Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas. Our unidentified bozo walked into a fast food restaurant and asked the person behind the counter for change for a $100 bill. When the employee called over his manager, our bozo pulled a gun and demanded cash. Then, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he told the manager that it was his first time attempting a robbery. Seeing an opportunity, the manager simply refused to open the register. Our bozo then proceeded to try to negotiate an amount that the would be reasonable to both parties. No deal. He then left the establishment, probably to go home and practice in front of a mirror before trying again.
A Super Burrito Could Probably Have Done More Damage
Another day, another domestic battery charge from Florida using foodstuffs. From Tampa Bay, Florida comes the story of bozo-ette Brandy Landers, 20, who got into an argument with her mother regarding the "cleanliness of the house." One thing led to another, ending with Brandy hurling two tacos at her mother from the dining room. Mom called the cops and the officer reported that he found her sitting on the couch with "food debris" all over her and her shirt. Busted! Our bozo was charged with domestic battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail.
I saw this in the weekly paper after it happened. I live in this county, and the idiot lives just a couple of small towns away. If brains were dynamite...he'd not have enough of a charge to blow his nose.*************************************************************************************************
But Is the Catalytic Converter Still Available?
Bozo criminal for today comes from Stone County, Missouri, where bozo James Cain had a catalytic converter he needed to sell. So, he placed it on his coffee table, took a picture and posted it for sale on Facebook Marketplace. Sounds like a good plan, right? Well...except for the bag of methamphetamine and the syringe in the background. Oops. A citizen reported the picture to the cops and they found him to be in possession of 48 grams of meth and a pistol he was forbidden to own. Busted! Charged with possession of a controlled substance and probation/parole violation.
My thought: If he's that stupid, did he steal the catalytic converter too?
I don't remember if that was part of the article...but I would venture to say...probably yea. Doubt his intelligence elevator got very high above his ankles! LOL!!!
If She'd Only Worn the Shirt She Stole...
Bozo criminal for today from Okaloosa Island, Florida, violated Bozo Rule Number 211201: When making your getaway, it's a good idea to make yourself as inconspicuous as possible. About 7 pm a worker at Surfside Outfitters called in a report of a shoplifter. When the cops arrived, the woman had fled on a bicycle. Dead end, right? Well, not exactly. Within a few minutes, reports of a topless woman on a bicycle began to come in. The cops quickly tracked Lady Godiva down and when an officer told her to pull over, she shouted back, "Make me!". A bicycle isn't going to outrun a police cruiser. The officer pulled ahead and then blocked her path. A quick check of her bag turned up the stolen flip flops and t-shirt. Busted! Charged with theft and resisting arrest.
Some of this stuff...well...ya' just cannot make it up! :sad3:
Maybe He Just Likes Black and White Cars
Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Louis, Missouri, where the cops were called to a report of gunfire. On their way to the scene, a man stepped in front of the marked patrol car, walked to the passenger side, and pointed a gun at the officers. At some point he noticed the vehicle he was trying to carjack was a cop car and he fled on foot. He was quickly apprehended. Charged with first-degree robbery, armed criminal action and resisting arrest.
:wt:
This one comes from the files of "you just cannot make this stuff up!!!"
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We Can Only Pray That It Was Declawed
Details are still coming in on this Bozo story from Atlanta, Georgia, but we couldn't hold off any longer. Apparently a flight from Syracuse to Atlanta over the Thanksgiving holiday was delayed because a woman was breastfeeding a cat. You read that right. According to our sources, the woman in seat 13A was "swaddling the cat in a blanket, trying to get it to latch" and refused to put it back into its carrier when requested by the flight attendant. No word on any charges that may have been filed or the status of the cat.
I always thought auto theft was a felony...(was when I was a patrolman anyhow)...and yes...the lawmakers in WA are indeed a bunch of Bozos...trust me.Why Did He Steal a School Bus? Because It Matched His Dress, Of Course
Bozo criminal for today comes from Chelewah, Washington, where our bozo, wearing a bright yellow dress, was reported to have stolen a school bus. Deputies spotted the bus when it ran a red light and gave chase. However, when he refused to stop, they had to give up the chase due to a new state law that only allows law enforcement to pursue a fleeing vehicle if there is probable cause that a felony occurred. (Obviously some bozos making laws in Washington, but that's another story for another time) County deputies tried to stop the bus but quickly had to give up the chase for the same reason. Later, deputies received a report of our bozo, still wearing the yellow dress, being taken into custody after using a front end loader to destroy his estranged wife's home. Busted! Finally! Charged with theft of a motor vehicle, possession of a stolen vehicle, first-degree malicious mischief/domestic violence and attempting to elude a police vehicle.
This nitwit reminds me of the clown back in the 80's who called the Olympia P.D to report a theft. When officers arrived he filed a complaint about his stolen pot plants. Bad enough, but officers also located the recently stolen field lights from the softball fields at Steven's Field that the clown was using for "grow lights". You just cannot make this stuff up...
And now to our Bozo of the day...****************************************************
But What About My Girlfriend?
Our bozo for today comes from the No Good Deed Goes Unpunished file. It seems our bozo, who lives in Hayes Township, Michigan, lost track of his girlfriend, so he called in a well-being check to the cops. When the officers arrived, the woman was nowhere to be found. They were questioning her father when who should show up but our bozo. Further interrogation revealed he had a felony warrant for his arrest. And to complicate things, he was in possession of methamphetamine. Busted! No word on whether his girlfriend ever turned up.
For our buddies up north...
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Take Him Home and Put Him In His Crate
Post published:January 12, 2021
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mathias Joost for sending in this one from the International File in Canada's Quebec province, which has seen a recent surge in Covid-19 cases. This led the province to implement a curfew from 8pm-5am. On of the few acceptable reasons to be out after curfew is to walk your dog. And it wasn't long before a couple of bozos came up with a plan to get around the regulations. Police stopped a woman just after 9 on Saturday night walking her...husband. Yep, she had her husband on a leash and told the cops she was out walking her "dog." We're not sure just how much of a dog her husband is, but the cops weren't buying this. They've both been fined $1212.
Some People Can't Take No For An Answer
March 31, 2022
Bozo criminal for today comes from Fellsmere, Florida, where cops were called to a report of a disturbance at a residence. Upon arrival, they found a 44 year-old female covered in blood, with abrasions on her forehead, neck and arm. She was transported to a hospital for treatment while the cops sussed out what happened. Apparently our bozo, 27 year-old Amber Baxter, had propositioned the victim's 59 year-old boyfriend for sex. When he declined, our bozo hurled a large glass ashtray at him. He ducked and, you guessed it, his girlfriend was collateral damage. Our lovesick bozo was arrested and charged with battery. Turns out she's been a busy girl. She's been arrested five times this year, on charges including theft, battery, trespass, aggravated assault, disorderly intoxication, burglary, criminal mischief, and drinking in public.
But the Biggie Bag Is Only Back For a Limited Time!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Bunnell, Florida, where bozo Jesse Stanger walked into his local Wendy's and ordered lunch. He asked for the half off discount that is customarily given to law enforcement officers, claiming to be a member of the DEA. When an employee questioned his identity, he said he had been getting the discount there "for two years" and flashed a badge. This caught the attention of a manager who came over to take a look. Our bozo then became hostile and argumentative, prompting an employee to call 911. This should have been our bozo's cue to leave, but no...He stuck around long enough to show the cops his "Concealed Weapon Permit" badge. Sorry, that doesn't get you the discount, pal. He's busted on felony charges of impersonating an officer.
But That Station Across the Bridge Had Gas That Was 10 Cents a Gallon Cheaper
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randall Shimoda for sending in today's Bozo, who violated Bozo Rule Number 4433876: Always begin with a full tank. Cops in Shelby County, Tennessee were called to a report of an SUV stalled out in the middle of a bridge. Upon arrival, they found the Chevy Suburban, out of gas, and blocking the bridge. As they approached, they noticed a very strong smell of raw marijuana. Inside they found 229 pounds of pot and a duffel bag full of money. Busted! The driver has been charged with possession of a controlled substance.
YOU. CAN. NOT. MAKE. THIS. STUFF. UP!!!
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And After This, He Was Going To Hijack a Cheese Truck
Bozo criminal for today comes from Modesto, California, in the California wine country. Webcam footage from a Cherokee Freight Lines tanker truck shows our bozo pull in front of the big rig, with his hazard flashers on, directing the driver to pull over. The trucker stops, thinking he has a mechanical problem. And that's when things got weird. Really weird. Bozo Gabriel Montez, clad only in his underwear, jumps out of his car and runs to the back of the truck, disappearing from the driver's view. The trucker decides the best thing to do is get out of there so he pulls back onto the freeway. With the truck now back up to speed, our bozo reappears, climbing on the side of the truck. Hanging on for dear life, our bozo positions himself near the bottom of the tanker and opens up a valve. Suddenly, the trucks cargo of red wine begins flowing out and our bozo sticks his face into the stream and gulps down as much as possible. The driver called the cops and our now drunken bozo was placed under arrest but not before the truck lost about 1000 gallons of red wine, most of it ending up on the highway. Cheers!
Well, I Knew This Was One Smelly Pond
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today's report from Sacramento County, California. It seems our bozo was cruising around on Memorial Day when he lost control of his vehicle and crashed into a pond. Dispatch received a call from him around 1:30 am and when the cops arrived they found our bozo and his vehicle "well submerged" in the pond. He explained to the officers that he had spent about an hour trying to get his car unstuck before calling the cops. And just why does this merit inclusion in the Bozo Report? The "pond" he was submerged in was a liquid manure storage pond at a dairy farm. Ugh. He's been charged with DUI. That car will need a LOT of those little Christmas trees to get that stink out.
Better yet, check out this woman driving up the ramp truck in Georgia:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZgfN67gj7c&t=3s
We used to refer to people who did those sort of stupid things as being guilty of being "Stupid in Public Without a Permit!" :003:
That Must Have Been Some Cat
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Melbourne, Australia, where bozo Tony White wanted his cat back. Really, really wanted his cat back. After discovering the cat was at a local shelter, our bozo donned full combat gear, armed himself with a fake assault weapon and stormed into the facility. He then tied up the person at the front desk and questioned her about the whereabouts of the cat. Not sure why, but he left the facility without retrieving the cat only to return the next day. This time they were ready. The cops were called and our bozo, who reportedly suffers from PTSD, was charged with false imprisonment, aggravated burglary, criminal damage, perjury, common law assault and carrying an imitation weapon. No word on the status of the kitty.