Bozo Criminal of the Day!

[CobraJoe]

 

[mustang6984]

Well What Good Is Having a Fast Car If You Can't Open It Up?

Bozo criminal for today comes from Elkhart County, Indiana, where bozo Michael Dever was cruising down the highway in his souped up Mustang. Cruising at 120 in a 70 MPH zone. Indiana State Police officers gave chase and pursued him for 25 miles before troopers threw stop sticks in his path. And just why didn't he stop? His bozo excuse was that he thought the cops wanted to race. Uh-huh. He's charged with resisting police, reckless driving and several moving violations.

[mustang6984]

If brains were dynamite...she couldn't blow her nose...

Our Question...Is the Kitty Gonna Be Alright?

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mike Sheffield for sending in today's report from Kenosha, Wisconsin. It seems our 19-year-old bozo was visiting the home of a friend. Two things to know about her friend's residence. 1. He had a gun. 2. He had a cat. Our bozo picked up the handgun, turned on the laser sight and began using the laser to tease the cat, getting him to chase it. Not the safest thing to do, and, as you might expect, the gun went off, striking the man in the thigh. 911 and the cops were called. The man, who we believe was not seriously injured, was charged with violating bond conditions that prohibited him from having a weapon. Our bozo was charged with negligent use of a weapon.

[mustang6984]

Thought I would resurrect this one...if there is any interest...and here is...well...our Bozo.
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Hey, That Name Sounds Awfully Familiar

After thorough investigaton, Turkish police found no actual criminal activity involved here, but the bozo level is high enough to merit mention. From Cayakka, Turkey, comes the story of a man who was reported missing by his friends. Our bozo, who was in town for a construction project, went out for a night of drinking with his co-workers. The next morning his friends thought he had drunkenly wandered off into the woods and a search party was quickly organized. Meanwhile, our bozo, who had gone to a friends villa to sleep it off, awoke and noticed all the activity outside. The searchers told him they were looking for a missing man, and our bozo, being a good citizen, joined in the search. It was not until he heard other searchers calling his name that he realized "Oh, that's me." Police interviewed him and released him with no charges being filed.

[mustang6984]

Joe...you should appreciate this one...LOL!!!
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Those Zoom Meetings Just Never Go Well

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today's report from Tampa, Florida, where Covid 19 restrictions have led to some bozo defendants appearing before the judge via Zoom meetings. That was the case when bozo BJ Downs was called before the judge on charges of fraud and petty theft. Our bozo seemed very polite in his testimony but prosecutors recorded something that sealed his fate. Video shows our bozo shooting up while waiting to speak to the judge. Yikes! Looks like he'll be facing further charges.

[CobraJoe]

 

[mustang6984]

Well, Everybody's Gotta Start Somewhere

Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas. Our unidentified bozo walked into a fast food restaurant and asked the person behind the counter for change for a $100 bill. When the employee called over his manager, our bozo pulled a gun and demanded cash. Then, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he told the manager that it was his first time attempting a robbery. Seeing an opportunity, the manager simply refused to open the register. Our bozo then proceeded to try to negotiate an amount that the would be reasonable to both parties. No deal. He then left the establishment, probably to go home and practice in front of a mirror before trying again.

[mustang6984]

A Super Burrito Could Probably Have Done More Damage

Another day, another domestic battery charge from Florida using foodstuffs. From Tampa Bay, Florida comes the story of bozo-ette Brandy Landers, 20, who got into an argument with her mother regarding the "cleanliness of the house." One thing led to another, ending with Brandy hurling two tacos at her mother from the dining room. Mom called the cops and the officer reported that he found her sitting on the couch with "food debris" all over her and her shirt. Busted! Our bozo was charged with domestic battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail.

[mustang6984]

I saw this in the weekly paper after it happened. I live in this county, and the idiot lives just a couple of small towns away. If brains were dynamite...he'd not have enough of a charge to blow his nose.

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But Is the Catalytic Converter Still Available?

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stone County, Missouri, where bozo James Cain had a catalytic converter he needed to sell. So, he placed it on his coffee table, took a picture and posted it for sale on Facebook Marketplace. Sounds like a good plan, right? Well...except for the bag of methamphetamine and the syringe in the background. Oops. A citizen reported the picture to the cops and they found him to be in possession of 48 grams of meth and a pistol he was forbidden to own. Busted! Charged with possession of a controlled substance and probation/parole violation.

[terry_208]

My thought:  If he's that stupid, did he steal the catalytic converter too?

[mustang6984]

I don't remember if that was part of the article...but I would venture to say...probably yea. Doubt his intelligence elevator got very high above his ankles! LOL!!!

[mustang6984]

If She'd Only Worn the Shirt She Stole...

Bozo criminal for today from Okaloosa Island, Florida, violated Bozo Rule Number 211201: When making your getaway, it's a good idea to make yourself as inconspicuous as possible. About 7 pm a worker at Surfside Outfitters called in a report of a shoplifter. When the cops arrived, the woman had fled on a bicycle. Dead end, right? Well, not exactly. Within a few minutes, reports of a topless woman on a bicycle began to come in. The cops quickly tracked Lady Godiva down and when an officer told her to pull over, she shouted back, "Make me!". A bicycle isn't going to outrun a police cruiser. The officer pulled ahead and then blocked her path. A quick check of her bag turned up the stolen flip flops and t-shirt. Busted! Charged with theft and resisting arrest.

[mustang6984]

Some of this stuff...well...ya' just cannot make it up! 

Maybe He Just Likes Black and White Cars

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Louis, Missouri, where the cops were called to a report of gunfire. On their way to the scene, a man stepped in front of the marked patrol car, walked to the passenger side, and pointed a gun at the officers. At some point he noticed the vehicle he was trying to carjack was a cop car and he fled on foot. He was quickly apprehended. Charged with first-degree robbery, armed criminal action and resisting arrest.

[CobraJoe]

 

[mustang6984]

This one comes from the files of "you just cannot make this stuff up!!!"

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We Can Only Pray That It Was Declawed

Details are still coming in on this Bozo story from Atlanta, Georgia, but we couldn't hold off any longer. Apparently a flight from Syracuse to Atlanta over the Thanksgiving holiday was delayed because a woman was breastfeeding a cat. You read that right. According to our sources, the woman in seat 13A was "swaddling the cat in a blanket, trying to get it to latch" and refused to put it back into its carrier when requested by the flight attendant. No word on any charges that may have been filed or the status of the cat.